Since Day One it has been ingrained in us to 'respect your elders' and not to question it. Then we grow up and find ourselves in the position our parents were when they began to teach us that lesson. Suddenly the perspective shifts and our attitudes evolve with our times. While we still maintain a common respect for our elders, we don't quite agree on their approach and mindset when it comes to certain aspects of our life. How do you walk that thin line of respecting them but also maintaining respect for yourself?
I don't even know how to start this, or where, rather. So in my natural style, I'm just going to cut to the chase. I was raised with certain phrases that I can't shake from my mind. They've been etched and engraved into the deepest part of my cerebellum. "Do as I say, not as I do. " "Children are to be seen and not heard." "I'm older and wiser than you and you will listen to me." That last one is where I have a problem. Being a kid, we were all dumb. Admit it, we were. At some point, we grew up. Looking back I sometimes have to shake my head. Hell, some of the more recent conversations leave me shocked and speechless (none to small a feat, either) by what my elders have said. What the hell has happened to the older generation? They all have their heads up their asses with a smug look of indifferent dominance distorting their features. Who the hell are these people? How could I have ever looked up to them? Don't get me wrong, I love them, even respect them, but I do not agree with their train of thought. I go out of my way to not only avoid saying what they say, but also not repeating what they're doing and have done! I've come to find that my elders are rather juvenile, presumptuous and ignorant. Even, dare I say, some what asinine. Not about everything, of course, but a good amount of stuff. They are unwilling to see things from a different perspective. Unyielding to the way things are accepted now-a-days. How is it that I was always preached to about being understanding of others and to be tolerant, yet, there they are, judging everything and everyone? It's sad once you stop to really think about it. They are so set in their ways that they aren't able to even consider giving new things a chance. What if they *gasp* liked it? Things today are not like they were thirty, forty years ago. Times have changed, so have people. I wish certain people would just accept that I am not them and I am not going to do things their way - and also not use that against me. While I empathize with my elders about how their life was and I give them credit for getting through their tough times, I wish they would respect me and my life. I will not sacrifice my beliefs and ideas because they think I should or because they don't agree with it. That is their problem and they need to either let it cause friction or just accept me the way I am. Instead of being pissy about it (or even confrontational), they should be proud. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be the headstrong, independent and amazing woman I am today, you are so welcome for having me. On that note, let it be said that I'm more of a free spirit and I pretty much roll with the tide. If we all just took a minute to look outside of our own little bubbles, I think we'd be pleasantly surprised by what awaits us.. ~A.S. | I love the elderly! I have a very profound amount of respect for them. Having been a caregiver, it is Understood. I have found myself in situations where, just because I'm 'young', they immediately take that and run with it; presuming to tell me how to fold laundry, properly iron, how to make sauce, maintain a home. I think the worst situation is the input on how to handle my son and how they feel he should be raised. All of this comes at me, in what I can only refer to as, unprovoked. Just because I'm younger. Just because I'm a newlywed. Just because of where I'm from. It's always a 'just because'. I seem to get the comment of "When I was your age, [insert comparison here]..." and it's spoken in a rather patronizing fashion that I, obviously, don't always appreciate. I think it's hypocritical because 'when you were my age', I bet you didn't appreciate someone else telling you how to handle your life. I will be so bold as to generalize in saying that the older generation seems to cross lines and take liberties that are plainly and simply put: wrong. It's wrong. Age and authority does not give you position to be ignorant or righteous. Have some humility. So, whenever you and whatever horse you rode in on get down off your soap box. Look, I can appreciate and respect that they had it hard: Depression, Wars, Atomic Bombs, and so many things I can't really understand because I wasn't there. What they fail to realize is that we have our share of issues, as well. Different, but very much existent. These issues-they affect us. It's a different day and age and everything moves at a pace of "Now, now, now!!!" Immediate gratification, immediate satisfaction. This is a world where most everyone works at night and on Sundays. Gone are the days where the housewife had the kids reading waiting for their father to come in from work at 5 pm Monday through Friday. That doesn't really exist anymore. That simpler life wouldn't really cope too well in this world. We have to adapt to thrive or be left behind. Darwinism. We don't have to like it, but nobody asked and nobody cares. Times change, that's the way it works. But I don't have to be made to feel judged for it. While not all pieces of input are given with intent, understand that it will be heard but not necessarily applied. I won't adhere to your standards about my life. I will handle my life as I see fit. It's nothing personal, it's just my life and I want to live it the way I want to and not do things just because it's what you said. So please, while I appreciate your enthusiasm for my life, my home, my marriage, my son... please respect that while you feel you can have an opinion on it, know that I have the prerogative not to care. Knowledge is a process of piling up facts; wisdom lies in their simplification. -Y.S. |